"Building Something That Lasts"
Philippians 2:3-8
Sunday, February 4, 2007
(taken from "Seismic Shifts" by Kevin G. Harney)

Introduction: If you think about our world today, you realize that it is quite complex. Cars are now computerized, electronics are a regular part of our world, and we rely greatly on computers. So to make sure that things go along smoothly, it is important to give them attention and care on a regular basis. Tami and I make sure that we get our cars an oil change about every 5,000 miles. I have a program on my computer called Fix-It Utilities, that allows me to run regular checks so that I can keep my computer functioning properly. And for our bodies, it is a good decision to get a regular physical check-up.

This morning, I want to talk about how our relationships are important, and to keep them going well, we should take the time to give them the care and attention they need. I also want to talk about how the way we use our words and actions will help to avoid unnecessary pain, and lead us to greater depth of health and vitality in all of our relationships.

I. From Burning to Building- (James 3:5-6, 8; Proverbs 12:18, 18:21)

The first shift I want to talk about this morning is burning to building.

a. A great force- On January 9 of this year, there was a wind-blown fire

that swept through the ocean front homes of Malibu. The fire was believed to have started across the street from Pepperdine University, off of Pacific Coast Highway. Going to Camarillo last weekend with my family, we passed right by where it started. It is amazing to see how a small fire can become a huge blaze that is out of control./ Just like a damage from a fire, our words can cause damage and get out of control fast. As we are told in James 3:5-6, “…How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire…” The tongue can cause great harm, as we are told in Proverbs 18:21- “The tongue has the power of life and death…” and Proverbs 12:18- “Reckless words pierce like a sword...” You may remember the little saying, “Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you.” It sounds good, but isn’t true. That is why God gives us many warnings in the Bible about how we use our words.

The Bible tells us that King Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived, and he understood that words have the potential to burn or to build. They can pierce or they can heal. They can bring death or life. And if we are not careful, it is easy for us to get very negative in the way we use our words. So to keep our relationships healthy, we need to learn to control our speech.

Isn’t it interesting how often times the harshest words we use are to those who we love the most? Our spouse, our children, our parents, our brothers or sisters. Maybe it is because we know that they will still love us and be with us after we speak to them in those ways. But sometimes that is not even the case. We can drive people away with our words; we can turn people against us; we can hurt people’s self-esteem.

Example- In his book “Seismic Shifts,” which we are using for this sermon series, the author Kevin Harney tells of a time that his fourth grade teacher was instructing the class to turn in their reading book to page 57. She then announced that there was a picture of Kevin Harney on that page. Kevin was excited that he got his picture in a school book, and so he was trying to quickly turn to the page. Some of the other kids got there first and started to laugh. When Kevin got there, what he saw was a picture of a monkey in a cage. The teacher, who didn’t like Kevin, thought this was a funny joke. It wasn’t. It wounded Kevin for many years.

We may think our harsh words are justified, but they never are. We were not created by God to harm anyone with our words, especially those whom we love.

b. Guard your mouth- You may have had some experience like this in

your life; an experience where someone hurts you with their words. With me it was at my last church. There were some problems with the staff, and so we tried to deal with it as best we could. In the end we had to fire the custodian, who was the husband of the choir director. This caused great problems with some members in the church who blamed me for the firing. I ultimately ended up leaving the church. And on my last day, as I was standing at the door greeting people, a woman from the choir, who had caused me great turmoil, approached me. I could tell she was going to say something, and I wondered if her last words to me might be words of encouragement. But they weren’t. Her last words to me were: “You know that this was all your fault.” And then she left. It took me a few years to get over those words and forgive her. WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO GUARD OUR MOUTHS!

And yet James also tells us in 3:8, “No one can tame the tongue…” It is like Siegfried and Roy’s tigers in their magic show; they thought they were tamed. But one fateful day, one of the tigers attacked and almost killed Roy. But should we be surprised? They were playing with tigers!! The tongue cannot be fully tamed, but we can exercise self-control. If we are mindful to how the tongue can damage, then hopefully we will be more careful with our words.

This means that we should seek to keep from criticizing, grumbling, complaining, and deceiving. Rather, we should seek to speak words of encouragement, blessing, positive suggestions, and truth. As we are told in Ephesians 5:29- “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but rather that which is good for building up, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

II. From Served to Serving- (Philippians 2:6-7; John 13:3-5)

The second shift is from served to serving.

a. To serve or be served? In life we start out by being served. Our diaper

gets changed when it is dirty, we are given a bath, and our food is fed to us. And so as we get older, it is hard to move from this attitude that we should be served. How nice is it when someone else serves us?

In business this can be true as well. The higher you move up the more people you have to take care of your needs. But Jesus turns this thinking on its head. Jesus came and gave us an example of what it means to serve others. Paul tells us this in Philippians 2:6-7, “being in very nature God, He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…” One of the greatest examples of this was from John 13:3-5, “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”

And then He said to the disciples, “You call me ‘teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” / The dilemma is that our world gives us such a different message. However, if you long for healthy relationships, then decide to serve others. It takes strength and confidence to serve others. And when you serve others, you actually feel better about yourself, and draw others into a closer relationship with you.

b. Serving those outside the church- We are called to serve as

individuals, and we are called to serve as a church. In fact, this call to serve is not just about us serving each other in the church. It is a call to serve those outside of the church as well; service in the community. To do this we have to make this as a priority. We can’t get so caught up in the work of the church that we don’t have time to serve outside.

Example- I got a great example of this when I was in high school. My high school youth group decided to do a service project to the community. We contacted a community leader, and told them we wanted to help clean-up the community. So they gave us a few projects, and on a Saturday, we went out in different groups fulfilling these projects. One was to clean-up a field that was overcome with trash. Another was to paint the dugouts of a baseball field at the local park. And at the end of the day, we gathered together to share our stories!

Two weeks ago our church had a wonderful experience of service. We went to the church “His Nesting Place,” which is a church that helps and houses unwed mothers, and we cooked and served them a meal. It was wonderful to give them a night off, and to watch as they entered the dining room, sit down, and have their meal served to them. They were so thankful for the love we showed to them. We had 16 youth and 12 adults go on this outing. And everyone I talked to had an amazingly positive experience!! This is what our Mission Field Trips (on the fourth Monday of each month) are allowing us to do; serve our community.

There are so many possibilities for this, and if you have any ideas, please share them with me. We make a great impact in the lives of others when we serve them, and we draw people to us into deeper relationship.

III. From Flattery to Truth Telling- (Proverbs 18:17; Matthew 18:15-17)

The third shift is from flattery to truth telling.

a. Telling the truth to ourselves-

Example- On April 21, 1980, Rosie Ruiz won the Boston Marathon with the

third fastest time ever recorded by a female runner. She finished the 26-mile race in just two hours, thirty-one-minutes, and fifty-six seconds. The crowd watched as she accepted the victory with raised arms. In a manner of minutes, questions began to rise about her win. Authorities reviewed the video evidence, and could not see her running the race at any of the checkpoints. None of the competitors remembered her passing them. No one could produce even one photograph of her running. Finally, they found some spectators who admitted they saw her jump into the race in the final half mile. Rosie Ruiz was stripped of her victory. Rosie continued to insist she ran the race, and to this day has never admitted any wrongdoing.

If you have ever watched court TV, you know that in the end, both sides are bending the truth to get the verdict to go their way. Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.” Human nature never changes. We are willing to bend the truth to get our way.

There is a wonderful little cartoon titled: “What he sees, what she sees.” In the first frame is an overweight man looking at himself in the mirror. But as he looks at himself, he sees Mr. Olympia. In the second frame is a woman with a lean and shapely figure looking at herself in the mirror, but she sees an overweight woman. In both cases, they do not have an honest perception of themselves. We too often will tailor our opinion to how we perceive things. But we need to make the seismic shift of believing the truth about ourselves. And the reality is the truth isn’t as bad as we think. In Christ, we are wonderfully created. And in Christ, we can achieve great things!

b. Telling the truth to others- And yet we also need to learn how to tell

the truth to others. I don’t mean being mean. I mean being straight with people. For example, if someone you knew had a piece of food stuck in their teeth, would you tell them? If we love people, we will tell them when they have food in their teeth. And this principle applies to all areas of life. But in our honesty, we need to be diplomatic. For example, if my wife asks me how she looks in an outfit, I might comment on the color, or whether or not it is her style. Again, I am talking about speaking the truth in love. And in love we seek to be supportive and kind, while still being honest. The same is true for Tami with me. If I am wearing something that does not look good on me, I would prefer Tami to tell me this.

Another important area of being truthful with others, is being able to tell people when they have hurt you. The process has been laid out by Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17. The process goes like this: First, you don’t say anything to anyone until you have first gone to the person who has hurt you, and talk to them. Then you share humbly and honestly how what they have done has hurt you. After you share, be ready to listen and reconcile. Second, if you have difficulty reconciling it with them one on one, take someone with you and meet with them again. The person you take with you should be someone who knows them, and loves them, and wants the two of you to be reconciled. Sometimes a third party can be a good mediator. Third, if that doesn’t work, see if they will meet with you and your pastor. Hopefully by this point you have reconciled. But if you haven’t, then you will need to separate yourself from them for a while to give time for cooling off. In this time, still pray for them and love them. Remember, there is no place in this process for gossip.

There is no truth in gossiping about others.

Conclusion: God wants us to have healthy relationships. But relationships take work. In our relationships we need to seek to speak words that build up, not tear down. In our relationships we need to give of ourselves in service, not expect that others will serve us. And we need to be truthful with words of love. You might be living in this way already in your relationships, and the sermon today is just a check-up for you to keep them healthy. Or, this sermon today may be challenging you to do more in your relationships. Either way, I encourage you to reflect on the important relationships in your life, and make sure that you are living in a way God calls us to live. By doing this, we will glorify God, and will set an example for others to live in this way as well. May God bless us as we seek to live for Him, today and always. Amen.