“Learning How To Forgive”
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Luke 23:32-43

Introduction: As Christians we have to learn how to forgive. We must become masters of forgiveness. If we can’t forgive, we will suffer. It will not only affect us individually, but it will affect the church as a whole. That is why we are told in the Bible, in Matthew 6:14-15 by Jesus, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
And isn’t this the pattern that Jesus taught us? Jesus isn’t asking us to do anything that He Himself didn’t do. He lived out what He teaches us. And so in our time together this morning, I want us to look at Jesus’ example, and seek to understand how we are to forgive, and why it is so important to forgive. This teaching, I believe is transformational for our lives, and for our church as we seek to daily be followers of Jesus Christ!

I. The Negative Word- Have you ever had a situation where someone comes up to you and tells you
about something that was said about you, something negative, but then they tell you that they have your back and they stood up for you? The problem is, even though it seems like they are there for you, that negative word that was said about you sticks in your mind and bugs you. You can’t stop thinking about it. You can’t believe people would say those negative things about you behind your back!!
EXAMPLE- This happened to me at my last church. We had a group of women who would meet together and sew blankets, similar to our Binky’s. I was new to the church, and I had to reprimand our youth pastor for doing something that we had agreed she wouldn’t do. So this youth minister was not happy with me. At one of the sewing meetings, she started to bad-mouth me. One of the other ladies began to stick up for me, and tell the group that she shouldn’t be saying that. Later this person came up to me to tell me what happened. I thanked her and told her that God would take care of it.
And in the end God did take care of it. But the negative word was still out there; in the brains of the other people, and in my brain. So the important factor for us here, is to understand that we need to forgive people when they speak that negative word about us. That doesn’t mean that we don’t think what they did is wrong, but what it does is remove it from our needing to deal with it. It helps us to move forward and continue on in our lives. If I have the opportunity to talk to them about it, I will, but until then, I need to let it go and give it to God.

II. The One- (Philippians 4:8-9)
This then leads us to the next issue, which is how that negative word has power
in our lives. The truth is, we can hear nine good things about us. We may receive compliments throughout the day. Your friends may forward you an e-mail that reminds you of how important you are to them as a friend or how wonderful you are as a person. They might text you. They might say nice things to you. But then you get one negative comment. What happens? We remember the ONE negative comment, right? We can have all these positive words said to us, but that ONE comment will stick with us.
Even more than that, this one comment hurts us deeply. And often times it doesn’t even matter who says the negative comment. Because the truth is, most of the time these negative comments come from people who aren’t that important to us anyway. But still, that comment hurts, and that comment roots itself into our brain, and it is difficult to get out.
This is why the apostle Paul says to us in Philippians 4:8-9, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely or admirable, if there anything excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…and the peace of God will be with you.” The only way we can get past this ONE word dwelling in our minds and affecting our lives is to dwell on those things which will bring peace to our lives. We have to go overboard on the true and pure and excellent to combat that ONE negative comment!

III. Rumors- (Acts 21:37-39)
The third point I want to talk about is “rumors.” Now there are rumors that are
true, and rumors that aren’t true. While rumors in general are not good to pass on, it is the rumors that aren’t true that can hurt us the most. And more often than not, when these untrue rumors come around, you really just have to laugh. You still probably need to address it, but you can’t let it bother you or cause you to think negatively of those who are speaking it.
In Acts 21:37-39 we read of a rumor spoken about Paul: “37As the soldiers were about to take Paul into the barracks, he asked the commander, ‘May I say something to you?’ ‘Do you speak Greek?’ he replied. 38’Aren't you the Egyptian who started a revolt and led four thousand terrorists out into the desert some time ago?’ 39Paul answered, ‘I am a Jew, from Tarsus in Cilicia, a citizen of no ordinary city. Please let me speak to the people.’”
Even though it wasn’t true what they were saying about Paul, he was angry that they would think he was an Egyptian, and falsely accuse him of leading a revolt. This was setting up a false perception of who Paul was. And the rumors about us that aren’t true can cause us some hurt as well. These we need to leave behind and not seek to dwell upon them.

IV. That Which Wounds- (Ephesians 4:29)
In life, like in relationships, it is the small issues that can wound us the most. There is a saying that helps us to understand this more; it goes like this: “Broken by papercuts.” If you have ever had a paper cut, you know that it is so small you can’t even really see it. But it hurts terribly. Even though it is small, it is very painful. And there are so many small issues in life that wound us in this way.
If we were to think of some, they might be…….a friend getting mad at us because we were late picking them up…OR someone forgetting our birthday…..OR a friend just saying a rude remark to us…..
Ephesians 4:29- “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” We often forget that these actions and words, though small, can create a wound that might not be noticeable at first, it then grows and grows until the wound is deep.
In this situation, like in the others, forgiveness is needed. Obviously communication is always important, to share what you think and feel, but forgiveness is just as important so we don’t let this small issue fester and become a much bigger issue in our lives and in our relationships.

V. Passion-
Passion is an important part of life; an important part of who we were created to
be. God gave us the capacity to experience passion, because this is what drives us to live out our calling. But our lack of forgiveness can lead us to lose our passion. There are at least three things that happen when we don’t forgive:
1. We hold back. When we don’t have a forgiving heart, then we hold back,
because we don’t want to get hurt. We are concerned that if we put ourselves out there, someone will hurt us again. So we hold back in the ways that we give ourselves to others. This can be true of situations as well. Maybe you feel that you are taken for granted in your efforts. This causes you to hold back in how you give and limits your passion!
2. We develop lists and we label people. A second thing that unforgiveness
does for us is that it causes us to create lists and labels. We actually become judgmental of people when we do not forgive. We label people right away when they see them, because we have created categories for which people fit. But how can we be passionate when we are in this mindset?
3. We might even seek revenge. Sometimes when we don’t forgive, we get
bitter about those situations or people who have hurt us. This can lead us to want to seek revenge to get back at the person. Often times this is done in a subtle way, like speaking about them to another person. We don’t think we mean to harm them in this way, but it can, because we are coloring the perspective of the person we are sharing with.
Passion comes from giving ourselves over to who God created us to be. When we hold back, develop lists, or seek revenge, not matter how subtle, we cannot be passionate, because our focus is on our unforgiveness.

VI. Not Forgetting- (Proverbs 26:11; Titus 3:10; Luke 12:13-14)
In all of this talk of forgiveness, I need to put out there that we can’t forget what
has happened. Forgiving others is not about forgetting. Proverbs 26:11 says, “As a dog returns to its vomit so fools repeat their folly.” To forget what has happened to us can cause us to let it happen again. God does not want us to be foolish in this way. The forgiveness helps us to let go of the wounds, and to move forward. The remembering helps us to set healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from future pain. It is like what Titus 3:10 tells us, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.” We may forgive, but we protect ourselves from future harm.
In Luke 12:13-14 we read: “Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." 14Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" 15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed…” In this passage the brother is trying to get Jesus to interfere on his behalf. Jesus sets the boundary to show that it is not His place to be the arbiter for them. We can get pulled into many situations that are not good for us to be in. We too need to set good boundaries that help us to avoid the pain before it happens, or learn from our past pain.

VII. Absorb the Pain- (luke 23:34)But more than all of this, we need to understand that there is one who has set us the ultimate example of forgiveness. This was our main reading for the morning, Jesus on the cross. This puts all the points together. The disciples thought they had Jesus’ back for Him, but when it came time, they disappeared. There were many false rumors and negative words spoken about Jesus at His trial. His passion was put to the test in the Garden of Gethsemane when He questioned about going to the cross. He didn’t really set boundaries, because He allowed the people to hurt Him in many ways. And now He found Himself on the cross.
What words does Jesus utter in this time? Listen to Luke 23:34- “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’” Jesus offers forgiveness to all who have caused Him pain. And in doing this, He has given us the example of how we are to forgive others as well.
He has also given us the means by which we can forgive. Because Jesus took the pain, absorbed the pain of our sin, and bore the penalty, He has allowed us to receive forgiveness from God. We now know what it feels like to be forgiven; to not have our sin counted against us. Because of this, we can know the importance of being forgiven. God tells us to pass this on to others. Not because they deserve it, but because it is the best way to live, free from that burden, free from bitterness, free from resentfulness, free from having to get revenge. AND free from the pain!!

Conclusion: Coming full circle, I say again, we need to become masters of forgiveness. As people who have learned how to forgive, we are in a place where others don’t control us; God does. As people who have learned how to forgive, we are able to concentrate on those areas we are passionate about, not on those areas or people that have caused us pain. As people who have learned how to forgive, we are able to follow the example of Jesus, who taught us that forgiveness isn’t something that is earned, but a gift that is given. Who do you need to forgive? Where do you need to move forward? Let us give ourselves over to God, receive His forgiveness, and then seek to pass it on. In doing this, we will follow Christ’s pattern, and display that pattern of behavior to those around us. Amen.