"A Gentle Answer"
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Series on Proverbs: Proverbs 15:1-4, 7-8

Introduction: In life, there is much that excites us, encourages us, enrages us, and causes us to respond bitterly. Last week, Proverbs 10 touched on the mouth, and the need to use our words as a “fountain of life.” This week, Proverbs 15 challenges us even more in this endeavor. And even though our mouths are referred to by the Bible as “poison” and “a restless evil,” I do believe with God’s help we can do great things with our mouths. So, this morning I want to look at 2 stories, and see how each chose to use their mouth, and see the result of their actions.

I. Story 1-

The first story is “Good Will Hunting. ” It is a story of a janitor at MIT, whose

name is Will Hunting. Will has a gift for math; in reality, he is a genius with a photographic memory. This gift can take him light-years beyond his blue-collar roots. But the problem is that he was an orphan. And because of this, he grew up in foster homes. And even worse, he was abused terribly in these foster homes. So he grew up angry, and bitter, and not trusting anyone. He grew up thinking that if those close to him, the ones who were supposed to love him, hurt him, then why let anyone get close to him?

Will’s talent is discovered by a Fields Medal winning Professor who eventually tries to get Will to turn his life around with the help of his psychiatrist friend Sean Maguire. How this happens, is that the professor puts an almost impossible math equation on the hallway board for the students to try and solve. Will comes along one day and is writing on the board trying to solve it. As the professor sees Will, he thinks that Will is writing graffiti on the board and shouts out at him. Will starts to walk away, swearing at the professor. You see, Will’s response to everyone is to be mean, and rude, and vulgar with his words.

But then the professor realizes that Will actually solved the equation. So he tries to seek him out, but finds out that Will has been arrested for fighting. The professor works a deal with the judge, that Will can be released, as long as he studies math privately with the professor, and that Will gets counseling. In the end, Will reluctantly agrees.

As Will attempts to see a psychiatrist, he is verbally abusive, not wanting to reveal anything about himself to anyone. Will goes through psychiatrist after psychiatrist, with none of them wanting to see Will after one visit because of his verbal abusiveness. Finally, the professor turns to a psychiatrist friend of his (Sean Maguire), who starts to form a friendship with Will. He realizes that Will has been hurt, and doesn’t trust anyone. Even with this understanding, it is still a challenge for Sean, because Will challenges Sean in the way he is living his own life. But Sean perseveres, and starts to make some headway with Will.

At the same time, the professor is starting to get Will some job opportunities because of his amazing math talent. But like everything else in his life, Will blows off these interviews, not wanting to move himself out of the blue-collar lifestyle he knows so well. This causes anger in the professor, which causes Will and the professor to get into a shouting match. Again, we see Will being verbally abusive.

On top of all of this, Will meets a girl, and starts to date her. In time, he finds himself really liking her (maybe even loving her), although he won’t allow himself to even think about this. This girl is going to be moving to California to go to Stanford at the end of the semester, and she realizes she has fallen in love with Will, so she asks him to go with her. Not wanting to trust anyone, he lies and tells her he doesn’t love her, and walks out on her. He does this knowing it will hurt her, but he doesn’t care, because that is all he has ever known to do, hurt people with his words.

Near the end of the movie, there is a powerful scene with Will and Sean. Their counseling sessions have officially ended. Sean tells Will he will be making a report to the judge. They talk a little more about the abuse Will suffered as he was growing up. And then Sean walks over to Will, and says to him: “I want you to know, it wasn’t your fault.” Will doesn’t take these words too seriously, and simply responds: “I know.” But then Sean repeats these words: “It wasn’t your fault.” Again Will says, “I know.” Sean repeats them a third time, then a fourth time, then a fifth time. At this point Will is starting to get really mad. But Sean continues. Until finally, you see Will’s defenses go down, and he starts to cry, and Sean takes him in his arms. And Will just lets out all of his pain, as he lets Sean care for him.

After, this encounter, Will has a breakthrough, and realizes that there's more to himself then he thinks there is. And Will realizes that he can let people into his life; he doesn’t have to be verbally abusive. And so he thanks the professor and Sean for all that they did for him. And then he gets in his car to drive to California, to try and restore his relationship with his girlfriend.

And this is how the movie ends, with Will driving away. And yet, you know that there is so much more to the ending, because of who Will has now become.

II. Story 2- (Colossians 4:6; Proverbs 15:4)

a. Words of encouragement- There is another story I would like to tell, a

story of two men, both seriously ill, who occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity of the outside world……The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the man by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed, astonished to discover that it faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who to describe such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse told the man that his old roommate was blind and could not even see

the wall. And then she said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

b. A gentle tongue- Proverbs 15:4 tell us: “A gentle tongue is a tree of life,

but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” Isn’t it true that we can choose between breaking the spirit of another, or offering them life. The blind man had words that brought life to his sick roommate. Who knows if the roommate would have even lasted that long without those daily stories. Those stories gave him hope, and joy, and something to live for.

The tongue really can be used for healing. It can be used to lift up those who are lost. It can be used to help instruct those who are confused. It can be used to challenge those who have lost purpose. It can be used to remind others of their worth. The tongue can be quite virtuous when used gently.

In the New Testament, the apostle Paul tells it to us like this in Colossians 4:6- “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” When you think about salt, you understand that one of its important purposes is to season food. With just the right amount of salt, the taste of the food is enhanced tremendously. So when our speech is full of grace, it seasons our speech in a way that enhances the other person tremendously.

And yet, as we learned from James, chapter 3, last week, and proverbs 15 this week, the tongue can become harsh and troublesome.

STORY: “Xanthus, the philospher.” (…the Tardy Oxcart, Swindoll, p. 575)

There is a story of the philosopher Xanthus who ordered his servant Aesop to prepare his best banquet for a certain important occasion. He told his servant to go to the market, and get for dinner the best thing he could find. The feast consisted of only the tongues of many animals, cooked in many fashions. Upset at his servant, the philosopher summoned him and asked him why they were only eating tongue. The servant defended himself by saying: “I did get the best thing in the market. Isn’t the tongue the organ of sociability, the organ of eloquence, the organ of kindness, and the organ of worship?” "Well," said Xanthus, "if that is the case, make haste and prepare another feast; and give us this time the very worst you have."

The steward obeyed, but the second time he again prepared tongues. "Why is this?" asked the angry Xanthus. "Master," said the wise steward, "the tongue is the worst as well as the best. By it comes treason and lying and slander. It is the organ of anger and every passion. It cheats and scolds and wheedles. It is frivolous and boastful and sensual. All evil is in the tongue.”

III. Relationships- (Proverbs 15:1-3)

Where the tongue affects us the most, is in our relationships. When we seek to

relate to others, the way we talk to others matters greatly. There are many ways we can speak, and each way will have a different result in our relationships;

a. Speaking adversely- speaking adversely: the first is speaking adversely.

To speak adversely means to speak antagonistically against someone. Last week I told you the story of how I had to tell this girl, Minata, that she couldn’t park in our complex anymore without a sticker. Both she and her mother (Hye) got so angry with me, that they didn’t speak to me anymore. What I didn’t tell you was that a couple of days after I told Minata she couldn’t park in the complex, Hye would go out at night and check all the cars to see if they had stickers, and then tell me about it. Her sole purpose for doing this was to prove to me that others parked there without stickers. The truth was that they had stickers, they just weren’t being displayed. But I got so frustrated with her that I said to her: “You can get as mad at me as you want. This is the right thing to do!”

Now, looking at Proverbs 15:1, we read: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Hmmm? Do you think part of her reaction to me was because of the harsh words I spoke? I’m sure there is truth to that.

Now contrast this with what happened last Sunday. Last Sunday, at the service, I said that if Hye would talk to me, I would not hold her animosity toward me against her. And sure enough, as God will give us opportunities when we pray, I was out playing with the kids, when lo and behold Hye comes walking toward me to take out her trash. So I took the opportunity to say to her: “How are you tonight?” And she responded to me: “I’m fine thank you.” WOW, she spoke to me! So I took a chance and continued to talk to her about her health, because not too long ago she had almost died of an illness. She told me that she was feeling as good as ever. And on the conversation went. “A soft answer turns away wrath.” THIS IS TRUE.

b. Speaking for knowledge- The proverb then goes on to say in vs. 2: “The

tongue of the wise dispenses knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” Folly; silliness; sarcastic talk. It has been said that Winston Churchill was very sarcastic, and good at insults. In fact, he had a running feud with Lady Astor. On one occasion, they found themselves in an elevator together. Lady Astor looked at Churchill and snapped: “Sir Winston, you are drunk.” To which he replied: “My lady, you are ugly. But, tomorrow I will be sober.” (…the Tardy Oxcart, Swindoll, p. 573)

That kind of talk with another person is certainly folly, and will never be helpful. And it is surprising, because it is said that Winston Churchill had one of the largest vocabularies of anyone in the history of our world. It would have been much better for him to have used his vocabulary for dispensing wisdom and knowledge. And for you and me, it is always more helpful to seek to pass on knowledge than to pass on words of folly, sarcasm, or insult.

c. Speaking with words of forgiveness- And we are also told in Proverbs

15:3, “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” There is no greater good than passing on words of forgiveness to another. In fact, this is probably one of the most powerful things we can do for another person. When we have been wronged by someone, and we can forgive them, this is powerful for our lives. But when we can inform that person that we forgive them, that is powerful in their life. And it really isn’t until we learn to forgive others, that we can understand the good that comes to our lives by God forgiving us.

Another aspect of this, is helping people to understand that they are forgiven. It is easy for me to tell people that God forgives them, but it is not until they believe it, that the power of forgiveness transforms their lives. I can’t tell how many times I’ve talked to people who know that God forgives us, but they don’t really believe that God forgives them. When we can speak words that bring this understanding to people, it is indeed good; a good that I believe surpasses many other kinds of good we can speak.

Conclusion: When it comes to your words, where do you struggle? Do you tend to let your anger get the best of you, and then you lash out? Are you sarcastic? Do you gossip? Do you cut people down? Do you have difficulty telling people you forgive them? Where is your struggle? Give it to God, and ask God to give you a soft answer and a gentle tongue……….On the other side, where do you do good with your tongue? Are you an encourager? Do you make people laugh? Do you help to bring knowledge to people? Are you able to help others receive and understand that God forgive them? Take joy from the Lord, as He speaks words of encouragement to you. Take with you this day the knowledge that God wants to dwell with you. But God does not want to be in you when your mouth is full of folly and harsh words. Give God control of your mouth, starting now. Make the commitment. Turn it over to the Lord. And see if God doesn’t work good in and through you this day and always. Let us give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! Amen.