"Comfort in Disappointment"
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Psalm 43:1-5

Introduction: A number of years ago the army came up with the slogan “Be, all that you can be.” It is a slogan that is challenging, encouraging, and speaks to having a purpose. It is a positive statement that tells you that you can be special. It helps people to feel that they have something to live for. It speaks to people who have experienced disappointment and failure in life, offering them a chance to overcome those experiences.

Last week we looked at two of the top five hurts that people experience: rejection and false accusation. Today we look at two more: disappointment and failure. The truth is, when we experience failure and disappointment in our lives we can feel less than what we were created to be. These feelings can affect our self-esteem and our excitement for life. So let’s take some time to look at how the Holy Spirit comes to us in these times to offer us comfort and support!

I. Dealing with the hurt of Disappointment- (Psalm 43:1-5; James 1:2-4)

a. Expectations- I find it interesting that we are a people of expectations.

What I mean by this is that we expect certain things to happen in life. To name a few: we expect to not only be educated, but to have the best education we can have. We expect that we will be treated fairly in life. We expect that we should make a better living than our parents. And I on and on I could go.

I believe these expectations come from our sinfulness; the selfish part of us that only thinks about what we want. These expectations start from when we are young. If you notice how when a young baby wants something, that baby will be determined to get what he or she wants. She will cry until you give it to her. Or, she will continue to reach out and grab for it until she has gotten it. From our wants and desires we form our expectations.

The problem with expectations is that when they don’t happen, you will feel let down. To put it bluntly, you expect to get what you expect to get. An expectation is something you “hope” you get. So by the nature of the definition, there is great disappointment when it doesn’t come to you as you thought it would. It is something that you count on getting, but it is not something that is required for to have.

Let me give you an example: People can have the expectation that at the end of the month they will get a paycheck. If they don’t get their paycheck, they will be disappointed. But since it is something that is required that they get, since they worked for it, then it WILL come to them. But let’s say a parent expects that their child will respect them. If they don’t get respect from their child they will be disappointed. But it is not something that is required for children to do. It is beneficial for the family structure, but not necessarily required. Maybe the children don’t respect the parent because the parent is never there for the child. Maybe the parent is abusive. Maybe the parent withholds any kind of blessing. This can lead the child to stop respecting the parent. The parent needs to earn the child’s respect.

It is not good to live your life with expectations. This is because there are too many variables in life, and too many ways that things can change or not come to us as we think they should. There are not many guarantees in life, and so living with expectations just set us up for frustration and heartache. That doesn’t mean you live your life without goals or desires, but you do it with a humble spirit.

b. God letting you down- We also tend to put expectations on God. These

expectations again come from our sinfulness and selfishness. We believe that God should answer our prayers just the way we ask. We think that God should heal people every time we pray for healing. While we don’t expect people to live forever, we blame God if a loved one dies because God didn’t heal them. We think that we shouldn’t ever be in want, or have struggles in our lives. And when these things come about, we are disappointed in God, because we feel like God let us down!

As we just read the words from the psalmist in Psalm 43:1-2, “Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. ² You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” The psalmist here is questioning why he and God’s people are having to experience oppression from their enemies. He has the expectation that God will always come and rescue them from the deceitful and the wicked. There is great disappointment here because God is not doing what is expected of Him.

We do the same thing. We are disappointed in God when He doesn’t do what we expect. We want a particular job, so we pray to God. We go for the interview but don’t get the job. Who do we blame? God. We are struggling in our finances and we are having trouble paying our bills. We are disappointed that God hasn’t taken care of our needs.

This is particularly hard because God should be the only One we can truly rely on. We know that God is powerful. We know that God is loving. We know that God promises to never leave us nor forsake us. The problem is that in our expectations we correlate God’s love with our never having any problems. We believe that God would never want us to experience hardship. And so when hardship and trial come, we are disappointed in God.

We forget that much of our hardship comes from our own poor choices. We forget that sometimes God allows us to experience trouble to make us stronger or to learn a lesson. In these times we have to remember James 1:2-4, which says: “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

The problem is not God, but in our expectations of God!

c. Others letting you down- There is a third area of disappointment, and

that is with others around us. Because we have many relationships in our lives, and because our relationships are flawed, we will be let down by others. The let downs run the gamut from parents not showing up to a child’s event when the parent gave his or her promise. It happens when one spouse says they will do something and then they don’t follow through. It happens when you need your friend to be there for you but they are too busy.

Again, we have expectations in our relationships. These expectations aren’t necessarily bad. It isn’t wrong for a child to want his or her parent to come to the performance. It isn’t wrong to expect your spouse to do what they say they will do. It isn’t wrong to expect that your friend should be there for you when you are going through a trial. The problem is, because we are not perfect people, we will not be able to live up to the expectations put on us.

What makes a relationship strong is having appropriate expectations, and learning how to resolve the disappointment when it comes. If you realize that you will experience disappointment, then you can prepare yourself for it when it comes. Of course, some disappointment is greater than others, and some might end the relationship. This you have to put in proper perspective.

The key in all of this, is that when you are disappointed, know that the Holy Spirit can bring you comfort. Instead of trying to deal with it on your own, or push aside how you feel, bring it to God. God is not going to get angry if you are disappointed with Him. God is not going to ignore you if you are disappointed in one of your relationships. If you open yourself to God, God will bring the comfort of the divine Comforter, the Holy Spirit, and make you whole.

II. Dealing with the hurt of Failure-

Another area of hurt in our lives is that of failure. Many times when we feel we have failed, we want to give up. I’m sure you have heard the saying, “If you fall off a horse, get right back on.” The meaning is that if you don’t get back to trying, then your failure will not only be painful, but it will ultimately destroy you! We must understand that failure is part of living.

a. When what you try doesn’t work- Failure is when we try something,

and it doesn’t work. There is a great commercial where a dad is cooking some eggs for his son. As the son walks in the father says: “Son, would you like an omelet?” The son responds: “Yes, dad, that would be great!” The father then tries to flip the omelet over, only to have it completely break up. To which the father says: “I guess we’re having scrambled eggs!”

Our family just watched the Miss America pageant last week. Miss Wisconsin ended up winning. Miss Oklahoma took second. For many, second place would seem like a failure. Especially when we live in a society, which lifts up winners, and remembers winners. At one point in the show they brought out Miss America 2011. They didn’t bring out the second place finisher from 2011… We have to remember though that Miss Oklahoma won her city and state competitions!! In fact, every one of those women who made it to Miss America did not fail, because just competing in the event was success!

Or how about the Green Bay Packers? They were undefeated for most of the year. They only lost one football game during the season, and were picked by many to return to and win the Super bowl. Yet, they lost last week in the second round of the playoffs. For them it was a failure, because since they had already won the Super Bowl the year before, the only goal for them was to win it again. Anything less would be failure.

FAILURE. We have a warped view of what is success and what is failure!!

A few years ago I had a friend who was offered a promotion. The promotion would mean she would make more money. It was a recognition of her accomplishments and capabilities. However, it would mean she would have to take on new responsibilities. It would mean she would have different duties. In the end she decided to not take the promotion because it wouldn’t be what God wanted for her! She actually did what some would think of as a demotion, and took a lesser job, because that job fit more with her giftedness! Some would think that would look like failure in her career. But to her, and to God, it was fitting with what God would have her to do!

C. S. Lewis once said in his book The Screwtape Letters, where he was describing Satan’s strategy against Christians: “Satan gets Christians to become preoccupied with their failures; from then on, the battle is won.” The battle is won because when we think we have failed, we beginning to lose energy and enthusiasm for life. We stop trying as hard. We think that God doesn’t love us anymore, because no one loves a loser!

b. Believing a lie- If we were to use the criteria that the world uses for

success and failure, many would look at Jesus and say that He was a failure. Jesus was rejected by His nation and His life ended on a cross. He was crucified as a criminal. He had failed to meet the expectations of so many. Jesus didn’t turn Israel into a national power. Jesus didn’t take a leadership position. Jesus wasn’t respected by the religious leaders of His time. Jesus wasn’t even respected by the masses of people who shouted out at His trial for Him to be crucified.

But what can seem like failure can become success; especially in the hands of God. For three days later His failure turned into triumph as He rose from the dead and proved Himself victorious over all His enemies!

The truth is, to believe the statement “I am a failure” is to believe a lie. The fact that you have failed something does not make you a failure. Because you are a child of God and a joint heir with Christ, you have eternal life in Christ. Because of your faith in Christ, you will be forever be loved by God. There is nothing that can separate you from the love of God, as the apostle Paul says in Romans 8:38-39. How then can you say that you are a failure? Some things may have not worked out in your life as you might have liked them to, but that might not be all that terrible.

Success or failure is not so important, as being true to what God has asked you to do. We are not called to be “successful” as the world would consider success, but to be faithful to God in how we live. If we are living the way God calls us to live, and doing what God calls us to do, then even in those times where we fail at something, or when something doesn’t go right, we can still know that God will pick us up, put us back on the road, and get us going again!

Again, the Holy Spirit is there for you. Whatever you feel about the failures in your life, don’t feel like YOU are a failure. God has created you. God has created you to do good works. God has created you to be a blessing to others. As Jesus said, if we love God, and love others, then our lives will be a success.

Conclusion: Disappointment and failure will be a part of our world. But we can minimize its affect on our lives. We can change our expectations so that we aren’t disappointed. We can learn how to resolve our conflicts. We can look to God whenever these disappointments come. We can trust the Holy Spirit to comfort us and keep us strong. We can ask for God’s help to give us the right perspective on life.

Even more, we can understand that failure is a part of success. I read a great quote the other day on Facebook from one of my Facebook friends. The quote comes from Michael Jordan, where he says: “I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

So, whatever pain you are experiencing from disappointment and failure, let the Holy Spirit comfort you. Let the Holy Spirit lift you up and strengthen you to keep moving forward in life. Let the Holy Spirit help you to live a life where at the end you will not be disappointed in what you accomplished and you won’t feel like a failure. Live in a way so that when you get to heaven, you will hear God say to you: “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Amen.